The Original Holtondome Ending

October was all travel. November disappeared in a big work project that left no time to even leave the house. But as of Friday, my work project is done, which means time for family and—you guessed it—writing! My sanity routine has included a 3500+ Skyrim mod pack called LoreRim. The system requirements are much lower than Elysium, so if you're a Skyrim fan and a PC gamer, I recommend it. It adds at least four DLC-sized community expansions that easily triple the scope of the original game. I'm playing a barbarian who punches dragons. Very fun.

Thanksgiving this year will be quiet-ish in Eureka with close family. We have all the usual suspects for entrees, plus a range of veggie options for those who want to eat light. We all pitch in during holiday meals so no one feels like they have to shoulder it all. Can't wait!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, a few things I'm extremely thankful for: my amazing family, who are a joy to live with; my mother for her unparalleled support and love throughout my entire life; my lovely wife for putting up with me for 33+ years; my new daughter for asking me to be her father, and for being an amazing human being; a comfortable home in the redwoods; and my readers and subscribers for accompanying me on this incredible author journey. Thank you!

This month's feature is the original ending of Holtondome that shocked the heck out of my beta readers. Enjoy.

In this newsletter

• Original Holtondome Ending
• Currently Reading
• Other Authors You Might Like

Original Holtondome Ending

The entire Timeless Keeper Saga was originally supposed to be one book. That illusion dispelled when I hit 50k words and the characters still hadn't made it out of Holtondome, which should have happened in the first couple chapters. At that point I threw my hands up, said "fine, it's a series," and focused the entire first book on the enticing dome-world I'd created.

Problem was, Holtondome was just a small part of the big picture—a background to illustrate the protagonist's lowly beginnings. It wasn't supposed to fill an entire novel. Seg and Fi had more important things to do.

And so, when the Holtondome arc concluded at the end of the book—wrapped in a perfect holiday bow—I couldn't leave it like that because it didn't hint enough about the direction of the series. Readers of Book 2 would take one look at the first chapter and rightly wonder, "Where the hell did that come from? I didn't sign up for this!"

Enter a new last chapter, "Stranger," the original title of "Mother Doom" from the published edition. I wrote this before Book 2—before I knew O'Kel'Anaran (Kel). It's short, punchy, shocking, and received a ton of praise from my beta readers because they absolutely hadn't seen it coming.

When I finished Book 2, however, I realized the scary woman at the end of Book 1 just wasn't Kel. So I revised it to be a better segue to the second book while trying to preserve the same punchiness of the original. Now, years later, you can tell me if I succeeded.

Usual disclaimer about unpublished works being unpolished, so read at your own peril.

And, obviously, spoilers.

Stranger

Jen Holton stared out through Holtondome’s eastern entrance, along with a hundred other residents, who were also in shock at what they saw.

One week!

Seg had been very specific: Grand Chancellor Chang claimed it would take a week for the assault force to arrive. Yet here they were, just three days after her brother and Fi had left to negotiate Holtondome’s fate with the ruler of the known world.

She stared at the rows of personnel carriers. There were twenty vehicles at least, each holding a dozen armed soldiers or more. Even scarier were the tanks: sleek, white vehicles with long, thick barrels that looked as if they could blow a hole through one side of the dome and out the other.

Had Seg misunderstood? She doubted it.

More likely, the Grand Chancellor lied.

“Maybe they’re just here to talk?”

Jen spun to find her sons standing behind her.

“Back to your room,” she said, trying to keep the hysteria from her voice. “I’ll tell you when it’s safe to come down.”

“Yeah,” Jak said, “but has anyone tried talking to them yet?”

Tom’s hand shot into the air. “Oh, pick me! I’ll go!”

“You’ll do no such thing,” Jen said. “Grandpa Hap is out there right now finding out what they want. And until he does, back to your room!”

“But—”

“No buts! Move it or I’ll—”

“Mom, look!”

Jen spotted what Jak was pointing at immediately. The blood drained from her face.

Fifty meters away, a soldier walked Hap into the middle of the road at gunpoint. He tapped the barrel of his rifle on Hap’s shoulder, who fell to his knees. Even from here, Jen could see the anguish on his face.

“No…” she whispered. “Hap! Daddy!”

And then she was running, calling for him over and over.

She made it thirty steps before the soldier shot him in the head. Hap jerked, then fell to the dirt, unmoving.

“No! N…” The word disappeared in an anguished wail. Jen collapsed onto the road, crying so hard she couldn’t breathe. Dirt covered her face, coated her mouth, but she didn’t care.

Her father was dead—murdered in cold blood.

How many in Holtondome were next?

A pair of boots appeared in front of her. At first, Jen thought the Feds had come to finish her off, too, but these boots weren’t Fed-white. They shimmied with color, shifting in endless, complex patterns she could have stared at for hours had an army not been waiting to kill her and everyone she loved. The boots were attached to a pair of long legs, almost as long as Fi’s, encased in similar shimmering armor.

Jen picked herself up and dusted her dress before taking in the rest of the newcomer. Her breastplate and helmet were of the same material: dark, colorful, and mesmerizing.

But the face inside the helmet surprised her the most. The woman’s high cheekbones and sky-blue eyes made her a dead-ringer for Fi’s sister, or Jen was a pig’s aunt. The biggest differences between them were the woman’s long, black hair, shaved on the right side, and her face. Fi had always struck Jen as old—much older than she looked.

This woman, however, was old. How old, Jen couldn’t begin to guess, any more than she could with Fi, but even her flawless skin and youthful appearance couldn’t hide the vast experience in those confident, knowing eyes.

The woman spoke. It wasn’t in any language Jen had ever heard—not that she’d heard many.

“I… I’m sorry,” Jen said, ignoring the snot running from her nose. She must have looked dreadful, but there was no helping it. “I don’t understand.”

The woman cocked her head, as if listening to something, then nodded. “Comprehend me now?”

Her words were intelligible, but her accent was so bizarre that it took a few seconds for Jen to process.

“Y-yes, I understand. Are you with the Feds?”

“Who?”

Jen pointed at the army behind her. The woman turned, then shook her head. “I am with no one. I am looking for O’Fi’Liara.”

“O’Fi… you mean Miss Fi?”

“Maybe?”

Jen glanced at the army. They were staring at the woman, too. It felt strange having a casual conversation with a military threat looming over her, but at this point, she’d take anything that would buy her and her people a few more minutes of precious life, and distract from the pain of her loss.

“C-can you describe her? Do you have a picture?”

“No. Separated at creation. Have not laid eyes on her, ever.” The woman gestured to her own face. “Like me, maybe?”

Creation?

Jen dismissed the strange word choice as a mistranslation. Besides, it didn’t matter. There was only one person she’d ever met who looked like this woman. They were even the same Amazonian height, down to the centimeter.

“I think I know this O’Fi’Liara.”

The woman lit with delight. “Where?”

“She—”

A gunshot made Jen reflexively duck behind the armored woman. When she peeked around, the soldier who had shot her father was walking toward them, gun pointed in the air.

The woman didn’t take her eyes from Jen. “Where?”

“It won’t matter if we don’t find cover! Run!”

Jen turned to high-tail it back to Holtondome, but the woman grabbed her arm in an iron grip, yanking her to a stop. She leaned close, her back to the approaching soldier as if she didn’t care that he was about to shoot them both dead.

“Where O’Fi’Liara?”

Even her intense gaze couldn’t quell Jen’s terror. She stared at the approaching Fed, quivering as if he were death himself.

The woman glanced behind her, then back at Jen. “You frightened. They harm you.”

“Y-yes, they’ll harm us both!”

“They not harm you, then you tell where O’Fi’Liara?”

“Yes. Yes! Make them go away and I’ll tell you everything I know!”

The woman clenched her fist and put it to her chest. Holding Jen’s gaze, she gave a solemn nod. “My blood, your blood.”

Jen nodded frantically. The soldier was almost on them.

The woman continued to stare at her.

“Um…” Unsure what else to do, Jen mimicked the woman’s movements and put her fist to her chest. “M-my blood, your blood.”

“Done!”

The woman turned just as the soldier leveled his rifle.

He pulled the trigger.

The gunshot made Jen’s ears ring. She screamed and lunged to catch the taller woman, but the woman hadn’t even flinched. She inclined her head just a fraction of an inch.

The solder exploded in a shower of red liquid, covering the ground around them in ichor.

Shouts and screams came from all around, including Jen’s own. Rows of white-clad Feds opened fire, drowning the shouts in a horrible cacophony of syncopated drumbeats. Jen fell to the dirt and covered her head, futilely wishing they would somehow miss—that she would see her Jak and Tom again, if only for a few minutes.

The gunfire continued. And continued. Yet Jen was still unharmed. After a few more seconds, she risked a glance. The woman was still standing.

But that wasn’t what made Jen’s jaw drop.

Less than a meter in front of them, a wall of bullets hung, suspended in mid-air as if they had simply… given up. One by one, the soldiers stopped firing and stared at the anomaly, clearly as confused as Jen was.

The woman tilted her head.

The wall of bullets fell like lead rain, clinking against rocks and each other like a brief, terrible chorus of chimes.

And that was when the true nightmare began.

The woman extended her hand, pointing to the left-most line of soldiers. Starting at the end, each one exploded, covering the next in blood.

She swept her hand across the line in a sharp motion.

The entire Fed army detonated in a chain reaction, spraying blood and gore in every direction. Not a spot of white remained on any vehicle.

Sounds of screaming and retching came from behind. Had her children witnessed this atrocity that even her worst nightmares couldn’t have conjured?

Jen rose, intending to go to them, but the woman caught her arm again.

“My blood, your blood. They not harm you.”

Jen was too terrified to form a coherent response, so she jerked a few nods and hoped it would be enough.

“Now you.”

The woman leaned close, her ancient eyes intent.

“Where O’Fi’Liara?”

Currently Reading

Alexander Hamilton

Yep, I listened to the musical and couldn't help picking this up again. This will probably be one of those books that takes me a year to finish, but I will finish it. Oh yes.

Read full review

My Books

Follow me on: