Zima Answers Your Valentine Quandaries: Vol 2

Moving-box-zero achieved! In the living room and kitchen, anyway. We still have a ton to unpack in the bedrooms, library, offices, and bar (which doesn't yet have said bar, only shelves). However, I cleared enough space in the corner of one bedroom for my writing desk and stereo, which is really all I need. That and coffee. Always coffee.

An unexpected awesomeness at the new house is froggy neighbors. When it isn't freezing outside (doesn't snow here, fortunately), those little guys sing their froggy hearts out, and we love it.

Another unexpected surprise was that Enigma made the quarterfinals in this year's Self-Published Science Fiction Contest (SPSFC)! The team with my book narrowed their selections from ~30 books to 6. I'm honored beyond measure that Enigma is among them. From there, all judges on the team will read every book and decide which 2 advance to the semifinals, which, given 6 teams, means 12 semifinalists total. Regardless of whether I make it past the quarters, I've met some really great authors in the competition and feel like I'm in excellent company, so it's already a win.

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, I have 2 specials to share with you. One is the second installment of Zima Answers, where the well-meaning assassin attempts to answer more questions she has no business answering. The other feature is a breakdown of romance in each of my series, and an attempt to rate the romance and spice levels of each book. If you find it helpful in anyway, I'd love to hear!

Lastly, anyone who follows me on Facebook or Instagram has probably noticed a marked reduction in posts over the last year, and those who follow my Twitter (X) or TikTok accounts will see I've never posted much at all. Most of my social media attention has shifted to Mastodon, and now Bluesky. So, in an attempt to increase the quality and frequency of my posts, as well as preserve my sanity, I'm going to be closing my Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, and Facebook accounts, including my reader group, Ryan's Unbreakable Gods, by the end of this month. Announcements coming soon on the respective platforms, but I wanted you to know first.

My goal this year is to post more regularly on my chosen social media platforms. If you'd like more real-time updates, you can follow me on Mastodon and Bluesky. I plan to post equally on both.

Now, let's see what sort of horrible advice Zima has to offer our Valentine victims this year. 😇

In this newsletter

• Zima Answers: Valentine's Day Advice — Vol 2
• Romance In My Books
• Book Sales and Events
• Currently Reading
• Other Authors You Might Like

Zima Answers: Valentine's Day Advice

Volume 2

FORWARD: Zima's advice last year was a tad... fatal, so I suggested a few constraints that have made this year's fractionally more constructive. Still, consult a lawyer before heeding any part of her advice. Really. (Oh, for pity's sake! Remind me again why we let her do this?) — CAPPA

It has been brought to my attention that last year's romantic advice tended toward paranoia. While I disagree, I have promised to craft less-terminal answers this February, even if the reader's life is in true danger, and the result of my restraint may be innocent lives lost. That said, let us begin.

POST-FORWARD: Dramatic much? Honestly, I don't know why I even bother... — CAPPA

Not funny

DEAR ZIMA: I'm a salesman at an appliance store. One of my co-workers is a cute, sassy girl with a fantastic sense of humor. We've been working together for three years now and get along great. More than great. I like her, and I think she likes me, but every time I get even remotely serious to ask her out, she cracks a joke or something to break my stride. I'd like to think it's a defense mechanism because she's nervous or romantically shy, but she might also be pushing the topic away to avoid hurting my feelings.

I want to find out if this is something I should pursue, or if I should let it lie and continue our great friendship. What should I do? — WASHERED UP BUT NOT OUT

DEAR WASHERED UP BUT NOT OUT: I understand your confusion. Torturing the truth from her would certainly gain the information you seek, but if she does harbor romantic feelings for you, she may not afterward, depending upon the torture method(s) used.

Therefore, since humor is her defense, your best option is to create a situation where humor would be inappropriate, even for her. Consider staging an armed robbery at the appliance store. Then, when you are both tied behind the counter and fearing for your lives, you may ask her feelings toward you, and can be sure of a truthful answer. Using real criminals rather than actors could add realism but, unless you or she are trained in armed combat, may result in a fatality that would nullify the purpose of the exercise. The choice is yours.

Laughing until it hurts

DEAR ZIMA: I have a problem. I work at an appliance store with this adorable guy who I really like. Like, like a lot. Like it or not, ha ha! Aaaand that's my problem. When I get nervous, I crack jokes. It's a family thing: Instead of sharing our feelings, we throw zingers like we're on some sort of dystopian "Improv or Die" gameshow. On the plus side, I have a joke for every occasion. On the fall-flat-on-my-face side, the guy I like probably thinks I'm a circus escapee.

I want to tell him how I feel, but at this point in my life, I don't know if I'm even capable of being serious, let alone if he'll like that side of me. Haaaalp! — CHRONIC THE CLOWN

DEAR CHRONIC THE CLOWN: Well, this is awkward.

My first thought is that you were able to maintain a modicum of seriousness in your letter to me. Writing your feelings down may be an ideal communication method. Consider in advance if you are ready to discuss aloud. If not, be clear in your note to him that you wish to communicate via writing until such time that you can hold a serious conversation.

My second thought is to seek an opportunity to confess your feelings where humor may be inappropriate. An extreme situation—such as, say, a store robbery—may be precisely what you need. Be sure to seize the moment when, or of course if, it occurs.

Traffic jam

DEAR DARK ANGEL: My stubborn friend has a super problem that only a superhero like yourself can solve. See, she likes this guy. Really likes him, as in ready for a church wedding if he even sneezes something that resembles romantic interest. But he's dating a really nice waitress, who she's good friends with, and none of them are the cheating type (for whatever reason).

Any suggestions for my cowardly, boneheaded friend so I never have to hear her moan about it again? Violent options are welcome and encouraged. — V. SLAYER

DEAR V. SLAYER: Dela, I can only assume that, since you used an alias I am familiar with, you are not trying to hide your identity. I also surmise that Cappa did not heed my advice from last year, and that she blocked my message to her "interest" that clearly communicated her feelings.

As confounding as the situation is, this is one of the few scenarios where I cannot see how violence would help. We may unfortunately need to wait and see how it unfolds. In the meantime, I suggest distracting yourself with other activities, such as target practice or sparring, either of which Mark would welcome.

In case the situation does not resolve in a timely manner, I will also craft a virus to bypass her security measures and deliver my message once and for all. Cappa, you have been warned.

If you missed last year's Zima Answers, you can check it out here:

Zima Answers Your Valentine’s Day Quandaries

Zima gives Valentine’s Day (mis)advice. Author spotlight on Steven D. Brewer. Website provider woes. Sac Comic-Con. Upcoming book trailer. An unfortunate DNF.

Ryan Southwick, AuthorRyan Southwick

Romance In My Books

Different readers like different things. Some prefer no romance at all, others won't look at a book unless there's a significant relationship or steamy scenes that would peel the stamps off every letter in the post office.

This Valentine's Day, I decided to rate each of my books based on the importance of romance in the story, the amount and explicitness of sexual scenes, and the elements the story contains. My hope is it will help readers decide which books may or may not be for them.

Hope you find it helpful!

Click here for a full explanation of the ratings and labels.

The Z-Tech Chronicles

The Z-Tech Chronicles features plenty of action, drama, and paranormal elements that place it solidly in science fiction / urban fantasy territory. However, several subplots revolve around the protagonist's ailing love life, her lumbering attempts to fix it, then wrangling it back in when it spirals out of control, giving it strong romantic elements that are central to the story. The protagonist also suffers PTSD from a teenage trauma, which plays into the romantic subplots, and ties into some of the LGB themes that later emerge. Intimate scenes are sporadic and open-door, but not explicit.

The two side stories (Zima: Origins and Once Upon a Nightwalker) are exceptions that contain little-to-no romance or steam.

Timeless Keeper Saga

Branded as a science fiction / dystopian series, the Timeless Keeper Saga revolves around the unlikely relationship between a farmer (Seg) and a mysterious city girl (Fi), which lends it a strong romantic theme, complicated by a resurgent interest from Seg's childhood sweetheart, now a young widow. Action and intrigue abound, giving it strong legs with or without the romantic elements, but romantic interest and tension does drive some of the plot. Intimate scenes are sparse and open-door, but not explicit.

Lost Colonies

Lost Colonies is my first series that puts romance on the back burner in favor of an intense plot. The prequel reads almost like a romance novel, contradicting the last sentence, but Book 1 (Enigma), while containing romantic elements and subplots, is mostly driven by life-or-death missions and alien wilderness survival. Intimate scenes are sparse and open-door, but not explicit.

Standalones

One Man's Trash: A straight-up cozy science fiction romance. Why a romance level of only 3 / 5? Despite the protagonist's goal of patching his relationship with his girlfriend, too many things get in their way and draw their attention to call it a true romance (i.e. take the romantic elements out and the book still has legs). Only one vaguely-referenced intimate scene.

Dragon Assassin: This is a straight-up, steamy paranormal romance story. Romance plays heavy into the plot, although there is a plot outside of the romance. A few lengthy intimate scenes litter the book, and they don't spare many details. Also, abnormal anatomy. You've been warned.

Book Sales and Events

• February 14 — Happy Valentine's Day!
• February — Sci Fi & Fantasy with a Touch of Romance. Like your romance sprinkled, not drowned? This list of free titles may suite your taste and your wallet. (You may also want to check out Project Xerxes and One Man's Trash, if you haven't already.)

Currently Reading

Wind and Truth (Stormlight Archive #5)

17% done, according to my Kindle, and still enjoying it. The story has, unfortunately, begun alternating chapters between the past and the present, which isn't really my thing, but it's built enough momentum that I'm thoroughly sucked in and will finish soon. Soon for me, that is, which probably means March. =]

Other Authors You Might Like

Before the End: The Lost Race

To save his family, he has to reveal the secret that would make him a target.

Richard Rowens has hidden the truth about himself all his life, a secret that has estranged his eldest son, Steve.

When a powerful entity from his past targets his children, the only way to protect them may be to reveal his secret. But disclosing the truth would make him a target for the alien parasites that had caused the death of his family. Not just him, but everyone he loves could be in danger.

Torn between two conflicting and powerful entities, can he choose a way to save everyone, or will he have to watch helpless as his remaining family is wiped out once more?

Before the End is a novel set in The Lost Race Universe and deals with conflicting loyalties, secrets and family bonds. If you love flawed characters, high stakes and space operas, you will love this book.

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